I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
