I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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