well you can't waste a boner
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
