it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
