we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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