I think my vagina is haunted
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
