Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
