i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
