Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
