You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
