I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
