I'd wear matching sweaters with you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
