im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
