just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
