I hate your face
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
