Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
