Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
