Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
