Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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