i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
