she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
