her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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