I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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