did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
two words...techno handjob
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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