thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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