I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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