why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
