So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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