Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
