Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
