i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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