What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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