Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
