Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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