Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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