Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sext me about skeletons
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
