is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
a search helicopter?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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