My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's paint friendship bongs
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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