careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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