She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
