And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How external is "for external use only"?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
