dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
