I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
