Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
