Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
