i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
