Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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