hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
