I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
