i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
