I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
