I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
