mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
