You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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