did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
