I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
