nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
