this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
