i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
