i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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