woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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